Sarcasm. Use it!

Sarcasm
By wry emmet

Frank Renew, The bard of Palatka, has eternally dubbed Cobb Manor “The Academy of Sarcasm.” And who could argue with him?
I was born in a sarcastic family in a sarcastic neighborhood. Some have dismissed the practice as passive aggressive (I prefer creative) or the very lowest form of humor (I choose the pun).
One of my very favorite bon mots is in “Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid,” when the fabulous duo robs, then blows up, a mail train. Butch employed way too much dynamite and blew half the train to kingdom come. “Think you used enough dynamite there, Butch?” asked Sundance. I watch the movie whenever I can and wait for that line.
If you search the Internet long enough (I do) you will find anything you want, including Blondie and Dagwood in compromising positions. I even found the Sarcasm Society, a new favorite. I am now looking for the hat and the t-shirt.

The society tells us that “sarcasm usually requires a quick wit, and the ability to extract the minutest points of weakness in a conversation. So it is quite unlikely that it is the lowest form of humor as some would like to call it. Perhaps not being able to enjoy sarcasm is directly related to not having the ability to come up with sarcastic comments, which in turn creates a feeling of inadequacy, which in turn can spawn a Napoleon complex, that can cause someone to (deduce) that sarcasm is the humor of the stupid.”
Take that.
For those of you who find yourself sarcastically challenged, my favorite society has listed their favorites. If the Sarcasm Society issued money, Groucho Marx would be on the one dollar bill.
I discovered Groucho on his television quiz show and only later did I find the fabulous Marx Brothers movies. Chewing on his ever present cigar, Groucho would say to the inevitable question around the dinner table, “No. Groucho is not my real name. I am breaking it in for a friend.” That would be a conversational stopper. How about if he followed with “How do I feel about women’s rights? I like either side of them.” After a sip of brandy, he might add, “A man is as young as the woman he feels.” And don’t forget “Marriage is the chief cause of divorce.”
My very favorite Marxism is “I never forget a face. But in your case, I will make an exception.”
Paul Newman is not a one-hit wonder. He is remembered for “It’s always darkest before it turns absolutely pitch black.” I like that.
I have no idea who Ashleigh Brilliant is but I will use his comment “Sometimes, I need what only you can provide: Your absence.” I promise to use that, probably on David Grima. Grima is unforgettably English with an accent that grows thicker each year, like the Gabor sisters.
Grima claims to be from Coventry. So I will amend Mark Twain to say ““I would like to live in Coventry, England. The transition between Coventry and death would be unnoticeable.”
Grima comes to mind again with the inimitable Oscar Wilde, who said ““He has no enemies, but is intensely disliked by his friends.” Wilde makes the Hall of fame with “Some
Cause happiness wherever they go; others whenever they go. “Come on. You are going to use that.
Imagine arguing with George Bernard Shaw. He doomed one woman with “The trouble with her is that she lacks the power of conversation but not the power of speech.” Ouch.
Let’s give Abba Eban a chance. “History teaches us that men and nations behave wisely once they have exhausted all other alternatives.” I like that.

I love Victor Borge. Who doesn’t after he gave us “He was happily married. His wife was not.”
No one can top Mark Twain, a bitter man. He wrote
“I didn’t attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it.” Of this human race, Twain said. Often it does seem a pity that Noah and his party did not miss the boat.” And, of course “Honesty is the best policy — when there is money in it.”How about “Familiarity breeds contempt — and children.”
If you want (or need) any more, you must join the Sarcasm Society.