Too Busy?

Too busy.
By star-struck Emmet

I watched the wonderful Cameron Diaz yesterday in some stupid movie with Tom Cruise, called “Knight and Day.” It had the stupidest car chase scene of all time. But I had to watch it.
Cameron Diaz has been a Cobb Manor favorite for many years and not just because she has the perfect bikini body. Cobb Manor love goes much deeper than that.
When she was a little known actress, she came to the Maine Coast to film one of the worst movies of all time. It was called “Head Above Water” and it went straight to television. No theaters, please. Along with Diaz, the train wreck starred such luminaries as Harvey Keitel and Billy Zane. I don’t remember a worse movie, possibly “Cocaine Cowboys.”
She became a star at The Cobb when she visited Camden during the Phippsburg filming. A local guy was working on the film and told our girl to visit his brother in Camden who ran a downtown business. (I have been ordered at gunpoint to never mention that merchant’s name in this paper…ever) “Go see my bro, he will take you out to lunch,” The Bro said to the star.
Cameron sauntered into this Camden shop and introduced herself. She relayed the free lunch offer from the brother. In his defense, Cameron was not all dolled up in her Hollywood makeup and attire. She looked like your ordinary, every-day, drop-dead, gorgeous blonde.
Our merchant boy was having a good day, a very good day and he didn’t want to take a break just to humor his beloved brother. “I’m too busy,” said the Camden merchant to the Hollywood star. “What are you, the script girl or something?”
“No I’m the star,” said the star, obviously wounded.
Some of us have been laughing at that incident ever since.
The laughter continued when “Head above Water,” finally made it to the tube. They needed a cop for the movie to solve a murder or two. Somehow they reached out to Chief Al, who volunteered to shoot the climactic scene with Diaz on a Phippsburg dock. Hollywood assured The Chief that the camera loved him, and all that. He talked about it every day and expected a few more calls from Hollywood since he thinks he looks like Al Pacino.
No one else does, of course.
For the “Head Above Water” watching party, we gathered at the Chase Mansion in Rockland which came supplied with HBO. None of the rest of us could afford it. Chief Al was quite full of himself for his World Premier. He even brought his daughter with him. We suffered through the movie even though it died at about the six minute mark. Even Diaz in her bikini could not save it. I developed the mantra “What a crappy movie” as it droned on and on. We hung on in pain, to see the final scene with Chief Al.
It seemed like forever. I forget who killed whom.
Finally came the last scene with Cameron and the Rockland cop, going ashore in a rowboat. It wasn’t Al. His Hollywood debut ended up on the cutting room floor. Some other guy took Diaz to shore.
Of course it was the very best part of the movie as we hooted and hollered at “Hollywood” Chief Al, who slunk out the door with his embarrassed daughter.
I find it my responsibility to remind him each and every time the crappy movie is replayed on late night television. Chief Al still wears his “Head Above Water” Polartech around town.
I would have burned it.
What a crappy movie.