Yankee (ptui!) plate holder.

By fan Emmet

I am a compassionate person. I don’t hate much. Hitler. Dick Cheney, of course. Bucky Dent. And the New York Yankees.
I think I hate the Yankees most of all. There is no salary cap in baseball and the NYY (ptui!) are free to spend as much money as they like. This is not true in basketball, hockey or football and the New York teams are currently among the weakest in those sports.
The NYY (ptui!) make more money on their television contract than most teams gross in a year. Look at the highlights when the baseball season starts. Look at the empty seats. That is because the NYY (ptui!) run baseball and steal all the best players from the other teams. (see Babe Ruth) The NYY (ptui!) are destroying baseball. Now they have taken our fleet but brittle center fielder, Jacoby Ellsbury. One wise man said “rooting for the Yankees is like rooting for General Motors”. What can their fans celebrate when they simply outspent other teams, like Daddy Warbucks? Sad. It is like Kramer “dominating the dojo.”
All of this is background to last week’s assassination attempt. In my annual trip to spring training heaven, I stop for refreshments in Charleston at the manse of Johnny P., former South Thomaston celeb.
John is a warm and gracious host, who once owned a cigar bar that added immensely to his charm. (You should have seen the waitresses) Even David Grima likes JP and Grima doesn’t like anyone.
Life, like JP is a balance. JP’s charm is offset by the fact that he is a caveman conservative, Rush Limbaugh quoter, gun nut…and a Yankee fan.
I cannot explain how we have managed to be friends for 20 years or more. Well, he is funny. But that celebrated friendship could have suffered grievous harm this week. After we waved goodbye and I set off for Jekyll Island, Leesburg then Spring Hill, I finally decided to empty the Honda of that travelling detritus. In Marky-Marks driveway, I stopped short.
There was a NYY (Ptui!) plate holder on the front of my Honda.Like an assassin in the night, JP had baseball-desecrated my car. I had driven through South Carolina, Georgia and Florida with a NYY (ptui!) plate on my car! Those people thought I was a …Yankee fan!
I would rather have a “Springtime for Hitler” plate on my car. Gingrich for president. Bring Back W. Legalize rocket launchers. I (heart) animal abusers.
You must understand how that team (ptui!) tortured my life for decades. The Yankees always beat the Sox in September. Rivalry? Tony Kornheiser said it best. “The hammer does not have a rivalry against the nail.” Yogi Berra must have hit more clutch hits against the Red Sox (Yay!) than any other player. Bucky (you know) Dent. Aaron Boone. Derek Jeter. It wasn’t until the mighty Red Sox downed the Yanks (Ptui!) in the magic year of 2004 that we got any revenge at all. And it happened at Yankee Stadium (ptui!)
I hate them all (Not Jeter.)
You might remember that JP once ran for Maine congressman and I covered the race with my usual charm and accuracy. I pointed out several times that JP succeeded by marrying the boss’s daughter at Bicknell Manufacturing in Rockland. I quoted him (accurately) as saying that he didn’t run for the state legislature before congress because it would be “a waste of time.” He remains bitter today and blames me, at least partially, for his defeat. That is what the plate holder was all about.
He ran against Linda Bean in Maine, for heaven sake.
Naturally I have removed the blasphemous plate from my car. I must plan my revenge.
I might hire someone to paint a Red Sox logo on his Charleston roof. Maybe a Red Sox tattoo while he is asleep. Or, I might just enjoy this season when the Red Sox finish (at least) eight games ahead of the Yankees (Ptui!)
And He did marry the boss’s daughter.